I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
