Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
