Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
