Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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