I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
pray to the hookup gods
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
