If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
