Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
