saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize