I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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