1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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