just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
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You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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