Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
