if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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