What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
