Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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