dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
