Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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