okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
