And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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