Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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