Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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