I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
