Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas