Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?