i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and she was petting her beer can
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
