The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
