I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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