i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
