i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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