i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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