I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
