dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
