Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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