can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
