I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
