Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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