im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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