I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
