i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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