Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
