That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
