I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
