I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
splinters make it hard to masturbate
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
