The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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