Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
