i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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