My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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