I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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