Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize