every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
