I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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