That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
