the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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