I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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