are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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