I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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