I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
porn star boner night. come get it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
