He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
