How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
