I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
