I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
