she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
