Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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