Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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